Who Do You Think You Are?

“Who do you think you are?” This is a question that I’ve asked many times over the years – mostly of other people. I’ve asked it of the uppity middle school friend that told me my essay was boring, and of the boring guy in college that dared to break up with me. Goodness knows I’ve asked it of pretentious coworkers, pushy bosses and politicians.

It’s a question that we often ask rhetorically of someone who is acting in an annoying or superior way (when they have no right, in our opinion, to act as if they are superior). It can be a defense mechanism, a way of cutting others down to their proper size, or a way to simply feel better about ourselves by minimizing the opinions of others.

Who does he think he is? What gives her the right to say that to me?

But I don’t stop at just asking this of other people. I ask it of myself, too. That’s where the trouble can really set in.

Who are you to think you can quit your marketing career and be a stay-at-home parent? Who are you to think you can run a half marathon? Who are you to start a blog? Who are you to become a life coach? Just who do you think you are?

My deepest insecurities hide in those six words. “Who do you think you are?” Just when I get excited about something, fear sets in. I start to doubt myself. I wonder what in the world I’m doing. And then I ask myself, “Who do you think you are?” I look to the past to excavate all the times I’ve failed or fallen or gotten hurt and use those failures as proof that I will fail again. I project disaster onto the future. Before I know it, I’m living in a cardboard box under a bridge somewhere with no money, no family, no friends and no dignity – all because I chased a goal that was bigger and grander than me – or a life I had no right to dream of.

There is some value to reaching inside of ourselves to ask the question, “Who am I?” Answering that question can be a beautiful process and can reveal some interesting truths about ourselves, our values, our goals and our desires. Yet, if we use the question to shame ourselves or to hide behind our fears, or to limit our growth and our experience in this world, we need to let it go.

What can we do instead? Instead of focusing on, “Who do you think you are,” we can switch the question. Instead, we can ask, “Who do you KNOW you are?”

Who are you, at your core? What are you passionate about? What drives you crazy? What are your values? What are you naturally and effortlessly skilled at? What do you add to the room? What do people admire about you? What are your superpowers?

When we understand the truth of who we are, we can face our insecurities and fears head on with courage and grace. We can align our actions with the values we hold dearest and express the essence of who we are as we are meant to do. We don’t have to pretend to be someone we are not, and we don’t have to shame ourselves for going after even the most audacious goals.

Who do you know you are?

#radiantsoul #goodenough #identity #fear